I still remember when in 2015 when the new Star Wars was announced and OH BOY I was so excited for the year to end so I could see a new movie from a recent fandom. The new movie was two years later, so I patiently waited for 2017.
Alternatively, in 2016, Fantastic Beasts came out and HOLY JESUS BALLS my hype was greater than the year before. Star Wars was a great space adventure but Fantastic Beasts was a dream. A series of films about my favourite fantasy textbook? Are you kidding me? I underestimated the movie's ability to make me have feels.
Enter Newt Scamander, a classic 'awkward British youtuber'. The man only briefly mentioned at the end of the textbook. He wouldn't be this interesting and cute if not for one thing - his interactions with his future spouse, Tina. I'm
You don't understand how these two wreck me. The first movie was so funny, so cute, so fluffy, it's no wonder why we shippers fell hard for these two fictional characters. That awkward gesture of touching her hair aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa MAH FUCKING HEART. His accidental flirts aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa STOP. STOOOOOP MY HEART IS BLEEDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is actually me whenever I think of them. These heart palpitations are definitely not good for my health. The best part is that we know they're married so yay for us! No sad otp ending!
Since the first movie ended in such a fluffy note I went into the second movie eager to see them again. Oh, Newt is denied access to USA? Who's free now? Who's not dead now??? Who's getting married now????? What is this heartbreaking misunderstanding????
Newt and Tina wrote letters to each other, some tabloid makes a fucking mess, Tina misunderstands and becomes distant, Newt doesn't understand, and since he has zero fucking social skills when it comes to Tina the love of his life, the two of them get awkward, Newt still doesn't get it, I'M PISSED.
Listen to me scriptwriters and storyboaders. You should just yeet the Grindelwald storyline and focus on Newt finding magical creatures because THAT'S WHAT THE TITLE OF THE MOVIE IS. Use Tina more. She's Newt's fucking wife. Queenie is a bombshell ditsy blonde HELL NO SHE'S NOT. She's not the kind of woman who would drop her morals for love as far as I'm concerned. Don't do my girl dirty like that.
I know this aint a love story, but it is a love story. Grindelwald and Dumbledore are definitely old flames, subtext my ass. "Closer than brothers" try to no homo outta that. And a blood pact??? A BLOOD FUCKING PACT??? Ok ok. 'It's platonic love' you say. Get this: What does Dumbledore see in the Mirror of Erised? The mirror that reveals ones' dreams? Oh yeah. His blood pact ritual with Grindelwald.
If taking Grindelwald out of the movie and focusing on Newt and Tina is not a good thing because the movie isn't a romantic fantasy, then putting in his stroyline also qualifies as a tragic romantic fantasy because it is. It is a good otp and I cried a lot for them but am I salty that they featured so little of Tina? YES. YES I AM.
Please. The scene in the ministry archives is really, really cute and all, but you know why I cried so much in the cinema when there's nothing to cry about? The misunderstanding. How many times are the two really in frame together? How many of these frames are interactions? How many of these interactions are not hostile? I'm tearing up thinking about it.
Oh and don't get me started on Leta. I was so sure she and Theseus would marry in the end, or if Leta actually joined the dark side, at least she would still be alive to marry Theseus one day (hopefully). But nope. Bitch has to die. Put in a 'I love you' vaguely directed at who knows Theseus or Newt for good measure.
ASDFGJKL;HJKLRTYUIO HHIFUIWHJJOSDIF UOJFKJF THIS MOVIE IS AN OTP MESS.
At least the ministry archive scene was really cute. It melted all my sadness away.
