REVIEW: Boku Dake ga Inai Machi (anime)

Current mood: I think my heart forgot to beat and my lungs forgot to breathe.

This was one of the more sensational series in the season, but aint nobody got time for that! Amberly suggested it long before it ended (episode 3 I guess?), and there are some twists and turns in tumblr, so you know the gist. Had to watch it! However my heart is not accustomed to thriller and mystery, so I had a really hard time keeping my cool while watching.

REVIEW: Final Fantasy XIII (videogame)

Current mood: MY HANDS!!!!!

When I first bought my PS3, Final Fantasy XIII and its sequel is a must have. So yeah, it's my first PS3 game. I got up to Gran Pulse and stopped because there were too many side missions and I don't want to go to Eden yet. But LR happened and I finished it... so maybe it's time to finish it???

REVIEW: My Sister's Keeper - Jodi Picoult (Book)

Current mood: I'm mad. Really mad.

My aunt was clearing her old book collection(She lent me To Kill a Mockingbird and The Memory Keeper's Daughter, both are awesome!) and told me to choose anything I wanted out of the pile before she gave them away. There are multiple thriller and mystery novels, but I didn't take them because those are bad for my heart. I've heard of Jodi Picoult before, and the story seemed ok, so I took it and left it there on my shelf collecting dust. Then one holiday I was cleaning the dust-filled bookshelves and it seemed like a good idea to read it, so I did.

The story takes place in a span of days, probably a week, told by six characters. There are also bits of flashbacks. There's Anna, our conflicted, 13-year-old main character; her parents Sara and Brian; Anna's brother Jesse(though he only plays a small part in narrating); Anna's attorney Campbell; and finally the legal guardian person whatever Julia.

Anna hires Campbell as her attorney to sue her parents, specifically Sara, over control for her own body. Kate, Anna's sister, is very sick. She has been since birth. To keep her alive Sara conceived genetically-engineered Anna for Kate's needs. And things go smoothly for a few until Kate needs something to keep her alive again. Anna provides whatever Kate needs, and does so for the following years. If Kate gets admitted into the hospital, Anna will have to go too.

Kate's kidneys are failing due to leukemia. Again, Anna is expected to donate her kidney to Kate, even if the surgery is not guaranteed to work. That is when Anna hires Campbell. Sara is outraged. She thinks Anna just wants attention. Things escalate quickly as Anna reveals that it was Kate who didn't want the kidney transplant. Kate is tired of living like this, and wants it to stop. When everybody thinks Kate was the one destined to die, Anna gets involved in a car crash and becomes brain-dead. Her organs are donated and Kate survives the surgery and remains in remission until the book ends.

I have so many feels for this book, but mostly anger because while I had plenty of freedom since I was young, Anna didn't. She didn't have a choice. From Anna's opening narrative, she was born for a purpose. And that was to save Kate. Her genes were specially engineered to be an exact copy of Kate's. And I feel sorry for Anna, because she was literally a spare-organ provider for Kate. Sara may love Anna, yes, but from what I see, Sara loves Anna no more than her ability to save Kate's life.

I was always frowning at Sara's narratives (especially the flashbacks), but one scene really took the cake.

"...I don't think you should take Anna in to donate blood."
"When we had Anna," I remind Brian, "we knew that she was going to be a donor for Kate."
" Once. And she doesn't have any memory of us doing that to her."
"Would you give blood for Kate?"
"Jesus Sara, what kind of question——"
"I would too. ... You do what ever you have to, when it comes to people you love right? What makes you think Anna would feel any different?"

What makes you think that Anna would NOT feel any different??? Have you ever asked Anna if she was wiling to do any of that shit, you stupid woman?! Did you??? Thought not! I screamed and shouted and cursed and even threw the book somewhere soft so it won't crease! And then there's another where Anna wants to go to a hockey training camp of some sort, but Sara refused to let her go:

...we will need Anna——her blood, her stem cells, her tissue——right here.

Because you don't need Anna, your daughter; you need Anna, Kate's spare-organ provider. I'm not even talking about Jesse!

He's what we always write in high school essays: not enough love from parents will cause the child to get themselves involved in crimes so that they could get parent's attention. A juvenile. And why? WHY? He has done so much crimes, so much that Sara and Brian doesn't even bother shout at their son for whatever he's done. But Jesse and Anna love Kate, they didn't want her dead. Jesse donates his blood for Kate and Anna still acts as a spare-organ provider for Kate.

But sometimes, people who give too much will want it to stop. And the one who has one leg on the other side would like to end this suffering. And Sara, who I know just wants Kate to survive, will have to know that Anna is a living person, not livestock.

...but Sara is a mother, of course she wants both her daughters to live. I know she loves her children, but you can never love them equally. Favoritism is a thing. I may never understand, because the person I love the most is myself.

I bashed Sara too much in this post didn't I?

Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday

考试完毕。等死时间到。

Tanu说要去玩，可是迟迟没决定要去哪里，所以我就提议去唱K了。本来想着要去溜冰（去sunway pyramid），可是好像没有人很想去玩，到最后该地点到midvalley去了。我和Shun Xuan可以顺便回家，其他人就到时回学校。

礼拜三，我们约上9点半的巴士到火车站。我最早到，过后Ana就来了，Li Rou后面跟来了拉着大行李的Shun Xuan。Tanu最迟，而且还是巴士要出发的前一秒才到。唉。

到了Midvalley，Tanu说不想早上乱喊，我们就决定先看部电影才唱。一路走到顶层我的心飘到卖game的两间店，Ana被我拉着去养眼，Tanu很无奈。很想看的《Zootopia》只有下午2点才有，我们就只好看11点场的《Kung Fu Panda 3》。广告开始，第一个就是新的TMNT，开始看到好多爆炸还心想会不会是Michael Bay导演……果然。出了名最爱把东西炸飞的导演。不过这次估计会比2014的那部好多了。会这么说是因为在预告片里看到了该有的人物：



《Kung Fu Panda 3》还不错，还是那么好笑！Ahhhh, stairs...

You're seriously afraid? Even Master Chicken's going in, and he's a *chicken*!

I can't teach kung fu! I couldn't even teach Tigress! And she already knows kung fu!

看完戏后就是去唱k！一班人（加上一个行李）跑到The Gardens的Redbox。楼下刚好有提款机，因为怕不够钱我就去提款了。问题是提款机隔壁就是我的最爱——ART FRIEND！啊啊又养眼又让人心痛的店啊！

我是第一个进房的，所以我先选歌，不过前面几首是流行歌曲，还是有人会唱。多数是我坐在小银幕前帮他们点歌。前面的流行歌曲过了就轮到我选的没人晓得的歌……Tanu还选了印尼歌来唱！有几首华语歌只出没了三首。我倒最后最后才选了我要的日文歌（因为通常没有字幕），没想到我最想唱的竟然有字幕，心痛死了！最后一首是我选的。会挑那首也是因为我爱死AC（不过有些歌还蛮多人知道的）。

我选这首歌的时候真的没多想，就是看到就选，可是没想到歌词竟然正讲述着我们五个人的处境。



过后我们在Redbox外面拍了selfie（不是我愿意的），然后在不同的月台等火车，就这样我和另外三个朋友道别了。到了KL Sentral要转车，也跟最后一个说掰掰。

到站时已经6点多，老妈也下班了，就叫她来火车站载我。我的假期也就正式开始了……

Review: FANGIRL - Rainbow Rowell (Book)

Current mood: MY. HEART.

The first time I heard about the book was through Missy Dragon. We were all about our own fandoms back then (still do), and Fangirl looked like the book I would be interested... except the fact that it's thick. English books were waaaaay off my charts back then, so I didn't plan on buying it. Then came National Service and there was a girl with Eleanor and Park by Rainbow Rowell. I was bored to death since I just finished Lord of the Rings and she kept praising the book for its 'sweetness' and 'oooohh's and 'aaahhhhs'. I borrowed the book even before she finished it, then simply had my heart broken. Seriously. That book was so good I bought an original first edition copy myself along with Fangirl when I got back.

Fangirl. It applies to mostly to me and Missy Dragon in our little circle. Being a fangirl is what makes me and in this story, Cath. She's a beloved fanfiction writer on the internet in the Simon Snow fandom, and guess what, she writes gay fanfiction. YES! THIS IS MY KIND OF FANFICTION! *slams table* She loves writing, but faces a lot of introvert problems and without her twin sister Wren by her side, things get harsher. Wren has already grown out of the fandom, but Cath hasn't, and thinks she never will. Levi came into the picture, subtly flirting with Cath, and oblivious her is oblivious and confused. Reagan, her roommate, your typical 'bros before hos' kind of mean girl helps her out in the most unexpected ways (and moments).

Cath deals with her sweet father who can't do without his daughters, Wren's new bitch attitude, her mother barging into her life, a professor who expects great things from her, and trust issues with Levi. Real life problems aside, Cath faces extreme pressure as the ending (final volume) of Simon Snow approaches, and she struggles to finish her fanfiction before the book is released.

Cath realizes she can't run away from reality anymore, and solves the problems one at a time before peacefully retreating to her safe haven. Wren hasn't grown out of the fandom; she just wants to have fun in college. Too much, in fact. Their mother never wanted to be back in their life. She just wants to be there as a friend, not a mother figure. Cath failed her prof's assignment, but was given a second chance and she took it, even won a prize for her writing. Things worked out with Levi, but most importantly, she knows how to balance her fandom with reality.

Some of us don't know how to balance between the real world and our illusions. I am one of them. I invest so much in fictional people I tend to forget people irl aren't like that. People irl are not likable at all. Because being someone who likes anime and games will get looked down upon, I tend to hide the fact I'm a fandom person. The 'norm' is to like actors and singers and models, not fictional people. But that's ok. People come and go in our lives. Those who stay, stay. But the fandom will always be with you. You can leave it anytime, put it on hold, and come back when you feel like it. It won't leave you, it won't abandon you, and it will always welcome you back. Your fictional loves and children will be there where you left them. It's a personal haven.

I'm a fangirl. Hell, I'm no fan-girl. I'm a fan-goddess.

过年！！！

除夕，姑姑上怡保后晚上直接到我们家来吃团圆饭。老妈煮了两种鱼（dory and salmon），两种菜还有一道汤。超丰富的。过后还一面看超离谱的《西游记》一面喝高级咖啡（Starbucks VIA）。那部《西游记》真的很离谱。牛魔王没有牛样（好像是郭富城饰演？？），不知哪来了一只九尾狐（和孙悟空互相喜欢什么？？？），太白金星好像被牛魔王射死，最糟糕的是，牛魔王和孙悟空决战竟然会变transformers？？？？

注：那部电影是2014年郑保瑞导演的《西游记之大闹天宫》，嗯……今年还有个白骨精的叻，而且孙悟空不再是甄子丹饰演了——这次换郭富城做猴子。

啊哈哈，好像好久没过年了……这次回去比平常还累，平时都只会去老妈那边，这次奶奶和爷爷的家庭都拜年去了，可以说红包收到不少（比以前还多）。

回到太平就是和蚊子对抗，从早到晚都在打蚊子……不过打到累了就罢，就让蚊子一同过年吧……*泪*
今年舅舅家多了个小孩，不能和别人同房，所以外婆家好像没有房睡了……还以为要睡客厅时三姨婆出现！她家有空房（其实刚好舅公回Subang了，所以才有房，而且还有冷气）！万岁！！！！……不久后才知道那空房有很重很重的downy气味。在里面几分钟出来衣服就粘着那股重重的‘香水味’。

本来还说硬着鼻子睡下去，然后三姨婆说：“啊？我的房可以睡啊！”然后我们问：那你睡哪？答案：仓库（注：她本来就睡仓库了，不是我们逼她的啊！）晚上很爽地吹冷气入睡时，突然有人开门！原来是三姨婆……要进来睡。她拉着tilam和被子铺在地上睡觉。种觉得好像我在虐待老人家一样……

第二天下楼回外婆家看到老豆和老妈不见了，想应该是去吃早餐。打电话给他们才发现原来那两个家伙竟然是走路去吃早餐。嗯……好远哦。到外公家搜了一本书后第二天就这样过了……

初三回家，好累好累……

礼拜四老妈上班，老豆和大姨放一个星期，在家不会孤单，可是要做东西好不方便哦哦……（‘东西’指的是大喊大叫，fangirl，忽然哭和乱跳）收到中学朋友的讯息说要拜年……前两年都好象没参加呢~

吵着老豆要吃芝士闷（？）饭，所以他带我去SUNWAY吃KIM GARY顺便看衣服。到那发现我要的短裤没有sale，而且还是size有限，很多裁缝问题的那种。我很想要那件短裤啊啊啊！！！！不过还好，人一进到无印良品就亮了起来~种算有收获吧！

A photo posted by Jo (@shsl.sinner) on Feb 10, 2016 at 11:01pm PST

过后大家有问要不要去老师家拜年，我就嗯答应了。老实说会很累啊，会宿舍的时候……

早上又到昱恩家，lepak-lepak，然后人挤人上车载人。我们最迟到，大家已经在吃东西了（新年除了吃还是吃）。铭盈好像没有吃早餐，可是她没有看到我瞪着她……忽然想到是情人节，昱思bocor她姐的事。（呵呵有兄弟姐妹就是这样的啦~）

好久没有见到朋友了，发现到最后还是以前的朋友最好。有时候还真的很惊讶我这种整天孤僻的人会有朋友啊哈哈！希望以后还会有机会这样聚会吧！

回忆

欣煜曾经告诉过我，去PLKN时一定要写日记，以后还可以回味一下。当时我还是“真的吗？？？”的态度看待写日记这个习惯，不过，她说的没错。

新年要到了，其他大学有一个星期假期，我们的UCSI只有两天（跟政府）。可怜我们的老师们就让我们放假，所以两天假期变一个星期了。坐着巴士回家，看着外面的风景，会想起小学时代。以前学校巴士会经过的住宅区，学生在学校外面买冰淇淋，很开心周末的到来……这些都变成很久很久以前的回忆了。

回到家收拾桌面后，无聊没事做就拿起我那本又黑又脏的PLKN日记来读。14号正是我解放的日子，我没想过那天会来得那么快。日记里记载着我的种种体验，有些我都快忘了！那个时候我还真的很怕高和水啊（现在还是）。

嗯，最近脑子里都装着一堆杂念，时不时会emo下，不过很快就好了。我不想把自己的伤心事写在blog里，可是我除了这里没其它地方可以发泄了……

2016前后

啊啊，新的一年……其实不是值得开心的。我都还没接受自己已18岁这么快就19岁了？什么？？？？

29/12/15
奕廷生日！好久没去她家了所以就在那玩一天~最后一次去是进六年前吧。跟以前的气氛不一样了，以前除了我们还有她妈还有白绵羊（她三哥）在家，偶尔二哥/大哥会露个脸，有时还有女朋友……（咳咳）在她家也是呆在电视和电脑前。

现在电脑自己在家都用闲了，电视都没在看了，所以去到奕廷家做啥呢……答案就是到她房去lepak。看看她的漫画收藏，看看她书桌放了什么东西……可是到最后我们就是躺在床上用手机看Pokemon。然后我们到厨房去做饭团（我去她家的目地）。包的饭团还不错，不过寿司就很失败……

01/01/16
新年快乐！！和一班中学朋友去吃午餐看戏~本来要去打球的可是Khei Lai没去，所以我也pass了。把礼物交给慧欣后发现……我把她的名字写错了！！！我一直以为她的慧是‘惠’啊啊！！！

午餐。
没胃口吃热的，所以叫了ABC。欣煜在排球队里……忽然内心的fangirl失控，一直不停地微笑。

“你做什么position啊？”
“我是setter。”
“啊啊？？？！！”

Valerie的叉子（？）被吓得掉在地上了。全场安静……啊哈哈fangirl失控非常对不起……（Haikyuu里的setter都是帅哥美男，不然就是温驯性的）

然后就谈到sports anime：

“……现在的anime都很离谱的，什么超能力都有。”
“好像KnB（黑子的篮球）那样咯，眼睛可以看穿一切的话为什么不干脆去当超人？”
“还好《排球少年》至少很正常，全都是靠实力啊~”
“哪里像慧欣的《网球王子》……”
“什么？《网球王子》有问题吗？？？”
“就是超级不logic咯！”
“是啦，那粒球还可以分成两个叻！”
“……”

看戏！！！《STAR WARS》！！！！！！我要看很久了！！！这可是我第一部不想知道spoiler的电影。
好兴奋！！！！啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊！！！！！！！！
之前手痒不小心看到spoiler，后悔死了，不过在看电影时因为知道过后会发生什么伤心事所以哭了。鱼饼坐在我隔壁还问我为什么会哭……而且还哭不停……
（坐我们后面那排有个人嘴残把故事讲完了）

出来上厕所，然后慧欣提议：“还有时间，要看Chipmunks吗？？”

“不要！”

Childhood song #28: