I'm accepted to both UTAR and UCSI... and I've made my decision. No matter which, I'll still be moving out when I start class. That means leaving my harem behind to weep dust. And to think I almost made it to Bhunivelze...
Imma freshman this coming May and will be walking to college, not school. Sad. I was really scared of going to attend my first class and/or meeting new people, I mean it's not school anymore. It's the cruel society, the cruel world. You meet all kinds of people, and I don't know how to make friends. You never know who is friend or foe, who will stab your back, or if they want to be friends with you just purely out of advantage. I have to choose what to wear to class (which is annoying), because we don't wear uniforms anymore. My shield is no longer valid for my age. So now I'm growing my next shield - my hair. My shield that nullifies all outside influence. My battle armor that stings with only one touch. I have to build an iron wall that will keep me safe from the darkness of the world, to keep my heart forever young, so strong that even the deadliest people cannot breach it and manipulate me.
And the other problem is I always think I'm never good enough. I remember last month when I was applying for college, I wasn't entirely confident I could get a place in the said college because I didn't get straight As. I was sure I'd never get a scholarship because I didn't get straight As. I was sure I'd fail at everything just because I didn't get a perfect score.
Now that's over, there's another problem. There's definitely a mathematics subject for any foundation course, and I don't know if I can manage. All this time I depend on my mother for mathematics. She says I'm capable, but really I'm not. I depend on tuition for all of my science subjects. I don't think anything in college will be easier than what I learnt in school.
I know where this 'never-good-enough' feeling comes from. Most of my closest friends are better than me in various ways, and the best of the best we call her 'Alien Genius'. With their capability I was sure their parents were never disappointed with their grades... This is the inferiority complex I have from peers. I probably had some for my relatives too. Nevertheless, I still love my friends very much. Relatives.... nnnnaaaaaahhhhhh.....
Some friends have already start class, and after much reading, I find this stage of my life a little encouraging. Thanks. Attending classes may not be different from school. After I learn to avoid the rules of course...
I know, I still have the last part of my journal left, I just don't feel like publishing it yet!
